Life (& The Hero’s Journey)
Perfection is a Myth. But That's Ok, Because We Don't Want it Anyway.
It would be easy for me to only and forever show up here, on social media, as the best version of myself. To always be polished, insightful, and unwaveringly successful.
Most of us curate our online presence to some degree - because who wants to put their struggles on display?
But I can’t buy into the illusion that anyone has it all figured out. Frankly, it’s uninspiring.
Growth doesn’t happen in a straight line. Leadership, personal development, and success (however you define it) aren’t about avoiding mistakes. They’re about learning from them.
And damn, if I haven't been on a humbling journey of self-discovery and growth this last year. For someone who prides themself on being self-aware to the "nth" degree, I am not too proud to admit that I've seen some of my blind spots recently and WOW that shadow work is WORK-ING me over.
Which I will tell you now, was a bit tough on the self esteem. Moi? Not quite as evolved as she thought? Couldn't be 😉 But I'm here, facing all those inner demons (aka the younger versions of myself) and really challenging every time I've ever thought to myself that any circumstance was happening TO me...instead of recognizing my active participation in my life.
And I want to be transparent about that, because I don't think it makes my work as a life coach less effective. In fact, I'd make the case it makes it more effective. Perfection isn't real. And we don't want it anyways. Do we?
The Hero’s Journey
I recently watched Ted Lasso from start to finish (yes, I’m late to the party). Beyond being an absolute delight, it’s a masterclass in character development and personal growth.
Every character stumbles. Every flaw becomes a lesson. The angry one learns empathy. The egotistical one lifts others up. The vengeful one learns to build instead of destroy.
And Ted himself? A beacon of kindness, yet even he struggles with people pleasing at the expense of his own wellbeing.
None of them are perfect. And that’s exactly what makes their transformations so compelling.
The same is true in real life.
And so I'm sharing here with you because I think it's important for us all to be able to say "I'm on a journey, I'm still learning, and I'm ok with that." Your therapist, your coach, your mentor - the things we love about people we look to for support is rarely (NEVER?) their perfection. It's their transformation. And the way they carry themselves through to the other side.
The Problem With Perfectionism
The pursuit of perfection isn’t just unrealistic - it’s where shame thrives.
We’ve all had moments where we reacted poorly, fell short of our values, or made a decision we later regretted. And then comes the shame spiral: I should have known better. I should be better.
But shame doesn’t drive improvement. It drives disconnection. From ourselves, and from others.
Think about it - how easy is it to connect with someone who insists “everything is fine” when it clearly isn’t? Doesn't it give you a little bit of the ick? Of course it does. Because at our core, we’re drawn to authenticity, not perfection.
A Different Approach
Instead of aiming for flawlessness, I’ve found that real change comes from accepting where I'm struggling, staying anchored in my highest values, and embracing a sense of wholeness over perfection.
Rather than fixating on what I did wrong, I ask: What would I have wanted to do differently? How can I practice that next time?
That shift - from self-judgment to self-improvement - is where real growth happens, imo.
Two Things to Try:
1️⃣ Interrupt the shame spiral. The next time you fall short of your own expectations, pause. Instead of beating yourself up, visualize how you’d like to respond in the future. Rehearsing that scenario helps build the muscle memory for next time.
2️⃣ Define who you want to be—and remind yourself daily. Whether it’s a note on your desk, a recurring reminder in your phone, or a quick reflection in the morning, keep your values front and center.
No one gets it right 100% of the time. And that’s not just okay - it’s necessary.
But carrying on ahead, admitting your mistakes, accepting yourself (and those around you) for where we're all at in the process?
That’s the real hero’s journey.