Are you writing your story…or someone else’s?
I wouldn't blame you if you were caught inadvertently in a cycle of of writing someone else's - it happens to the best of us (cue me just 9 short months ago!).
But it's a surefire way to feeling unsatisfied with your life, lacking joy and often passion, and usually ends in resentment and frustration.
AND NOBODY WANTS THAT, RIGHT?
But it's a sneaky thing…these moving lines between consideration for a person you love, and allowing their story to usurp your own.
Consider these examples: do they feel like instances of love and compromise, or can you identify a story being written that de-centers the person saying them?
"My partner won't move to where I live so I have to move to him."
"I can't leave my mom in the care of my sister because they'd just fight."
"My wife would never let me travel for that long without her."
"I guess I'm not having kids because my boyfriend doesn't want to get married and that's important to me before we do."
In all of these scenarios (obviously delivered without context to make a point!), we're making someone else's story - someone else's preference, dreams, vision for their life, hopes, comfort, etc - more important than our own.
We're prioritizing THEIR story, instead of writing our own.
👀 Can you see it?
Now consider how often this happens in your own life. Because I know, not that long ago, it was happening in mine. And it was making me miserable.
It wasn't even a boundaries problem (yet), because in order to establish boundaries you first have to be aware that you're throwing your own interests aside for someone else's.
And the really crazy thing is, so many of us do this - write someone else's story - without ever even being asked to do so. Or confirming that the other person wouldn't rather write a different story al(together)!
We trap ourselves in a cycle of living for someone else by failing to engage with ALL of the options on the table...and failing to center OUR interests in OUR decisions.
Let's not do that anymore! Because what inevitably happens is....???
You guessed it:
You're left feeling super unhappy because ummmm who's left to write YOUR story? If it's not you, who will do it?
You are not an underwritten secondary character in your life - not anymore! 😉
SO, how can you check yo'self before you wreck yo self?
Or in non-millennial terms, how do you know if it's happening?
Here's a big clue:
You find yourself using words that eliminate or remove your choice, saying things like "I have to" "they won't let me" "I can't" “they want”.
There's always a choice, bb. Try shifting your statements around and see whats possibilities start to emerge. Here's a few different ways to structure those thoughts, give them a try:
"I am prioritizing..."
"I love to help in this way..."
"My preference in this scenario is...because..."
"I'd be curious about how you feel about..."
"It's important to me that we discuss..."
"I've decided I want to...and I'd like your support by..."
Please stop waiting for someone else to write you an incredible story, all while you're writing 5 incredible stories for other people. You have everything within you to write the most incredible story of your life. <3